Yesterday's Illusion

Have you ever looked at a picture from a time in your life when you thought you were fat only to find out that you were actually really skinny...and then...new problem because now you are about 25 pounds heavier than you were when the original picture was taken!! I hate that! Sometimes, I think we never know what we have until it is already gone...we are stuck in the illusion that we, or are lives, are not what we planned or what we want...that's not a profound statement, but...when you begin to understand it...it is a profound understanding! I never thought I would miss going to the hospital and hearing the alarms sound...but I would give anything for it now. The silence of the alarms is a blaring reminder of grief. I don't think I could have appreciated him anymore than I did, but I never thought I would miss all the things I was scared of the most. As long as you are scared of the alarms...he's still alive to be monitored. As long as you are getting a diagnosis...he's still alive to diagnose. And as long as you are scared of him dieing...he's still alive. All the things I dreaded the most were the same things that let me know he was still fighting. So, to my readers, if there are any of you out there...let's work on giving thanks for EVERYTHING "for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning YOU" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). At least we have a car to fix, a friend to fight with, a child to discipline, a home to renovate, a spouse to disagree with, a body to critique....whatever it is...God has blessed you, I'm sure...just like God has blessed me.