Oh, His Goodness!

I think one of the hardest things to deal with is knowing that God could change things if He wanted to, but didn't...Isn't that such a paradox? God is in control and is good, but allows things to happen to us that hurt and grieve us...My pastor posed the question to the congregation one Wednesday night, "What do you think causes people to get to the point where they blame God and almost become angry at Him?" I seriously thought about this because I think I might have been there, and my honest answer was "Why wouldn't we blame Him...He is in control!" I mean, I've been taught that my entire life and I've always had that attitude of "whatever happens, happens because that's the way God wanted it". Somehow, that ideology doesn't cut it when "whatever happens" hurts so deeply and is so hard to understand. So, I confessed all of these unsettling thoughts to M and he told me something that I can't seem to get out of my mind...The main point of what he said is this: Part of God being God is His ability to say "No". If He had no other option then to answer "Yes" at all times, wouldn't it sort of take away from His "Godness"? And if He could never say "No" to what we ask for then He wouldn't really be in control...WE would be...If we are searching for the kind of god who always gives us what we want then maybe what we should really be looking for is a genie.

Thank God, He has more than just one option. Thank God, He is God!!

Accept and Launch

For the last year or so that I've been working with my current employer, I have been using a particular program that daily asks me if I want to upgrade the version I have. Actually, it is more than daily because it is every time I log-in. My options: Accept and Launch...Make Changes Later...or Exit. So, for the last two hundred or so log-ins, I've been selecting "Make Changes Later"...

Change is inevitable...

Since it is our call as believers to become more like Christ daily, there are daily changes that will need to be accepted. The Bible urges us consistently to put off the old nature and put on the new...to exchange sinful behaviors for godly behaviors....to daily renew our minds in order to think God's thoughts...

Could we be postponing a fantastic upgrade by selecting to make changes later?

Fly, Stupid Bird!

So, N and I were driving down the road and we spotted a little bird crossing the street. Doesn't it make you wonder why they don't just fly across? I mean, they see a huge moving object travelling towards them and they walk?! Stupid birds! Don't they sense the danger? It is pretty obvious that one should remove itself from the path of something that is most likely going to annihilate it, wouldn't you think?

We do the same thing though!! Turns out stupidity isn't only "for the birds"! We find ourselves in situations all the time that could be somewhat dangerous and we walk...we rationalize...make excuses...WE NEED TO FLY! There is no time when danger is on the way! Get off that path and use the wings that God gave you!

Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."

Pride by Beth Moore

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
I cheat you of your God-given destiny...
because you demand your own way.
I cheat you of contentment...
because you "deserve better than this."
I cheat you of knowledge...because you already know it all.
I cheat you of healing...because you're to full of me to forgive.
I cheat you of holiness...
because you refuse to admit when you're wrong.
I cheat you of vision...
because you'd rather look in the mirror than out a window.
I cheat you of genuine friendship...
because nobody's going to know the real you.
I cheat you of love...
because romance demands sacrifice.
I cheat you of greatness in Heaven...
because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth.
I cheat you of God's glory...
because I convince you to seek your own.
My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you.
Untrue.
I'm looking to make a fool of you.
God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry...
If you stick with me,
You'll never know.


"The biggest injustice of pride: it cheats wherever it plays."

Patience Is a Virtue...and I Don't Have It!

Today, I spent more time on the phone with Sprint customer service which is more then likely located in India...(nothing against the residence of India, but I've called four times and haven't understood the representative yet!) I was put on hold about three times and every time he came back on the phone he would timidly say "Thank you for patiently waiting"...by the fourth time I was pretty close to saying "Listen, stop saying that! I'm not patiently waiting!! I'm annoyed that I'm on hold and frustrated that I've had to call as many times as I have!" Didn't say that though...just said "Yup, Uh huh"...

I'm just not a patient person and that's that...I mean, maybe sometimes I am...

When the computer says to double click, I usually click four or five times....the computer gets all confused and has several times opened more than sixty windows of the same thing! This thinking of "the more times I click the faster it will come up on the screen" usually just creates more work for myself

In conclusion...be patient! I'm working on it and if you are working on it too then we would all be patient with one another and that would just make it easier...

Feelings. Nothing More Than Feelings.

I have spent the last several months longing for that "feeling" of God's presence in my life...Do I know He is there? Yes. Do I know I am His? Yes. Do I know that He loves me? Yes. Do I know He has a plan for me? Yes. So, why desire for the "feeling" of things I am already confident of? There is nothing wrong in praying for an overwhelming presence of God in our lives...I'm going to keep praying for it...But, I can't allow "feelings" to conclude my beliefs. Wouldn't it be nice if you could see your prayers float up to Heaven? You see Jesus catch them and hand them over to His Father...Wouldn't it be easier waiting for the answers to our prayers if we could see that they reached Him? I know that sometimes I feel like my prayers don't even leave the room...they hit the ceiling and bounce right back down to me and I am left "feeling" like maybe all I did was talk to myself for the last couple of minutes. This makes me wish I had a higher ceiling!

Having a relationship with God is so much more than being on a spiritual high 100% of the time...It is definitely more than feeling powerless and empty. Having a relationship with God is about balance. I don't need to search for oneness with God...I already have it...that is a promise to us as believers...Christ dwells in us!! "But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his." Romans 8:9

It doesn't matter how high or low the ceiling...He has made His home in us...He is in the room within earshot of our every need!

Because I'm Obsessed...

...I researched and found a possible spiritual application to my last blog...

Did you know that the Bible uses the word "heart" 765 times? See, because of my obsession I spent the whole day reading and counting! No, just kidding (Did you ever notice how people always feel like they need to say "just kidding" when it is clearly a joke...who could read the whole Bible in a day?) I obviously did a Bible search online. Often times the condition of the heart that is being referred to is either positive or negative to the extreme...evil, hardened, glad, willing, discouraged, sorrowful, seeking, guarded...In our modern dictionary, there are so many definitions of "heart"...understandably, the first definition states it's function in our ability to live...it mentions the conventional shape that we usually draw...like, I heart N...but out of the many possible ways of defining this word I like: "the innermost or central part of anything"

To love the Lord your God with all your heart...may our love for Him be the central part of every single part of our lives...and may we be able to express His love to others who don't know it.

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. Deut. 6:5

So, monitor your heart today...what is it's condition?...

This Just In...

So, the news for the day is that I went to the doctor for a check-up on my fainting episode...I had an EKG and a whole bunch of blood work...they also thought it best to wear a heart monitor for the next 24hrs and to keep a detailed diary on when I sit and stand, eat, laugh or cough...like I said, detailed! I've had it on now for a little over an hour and I'm already annoyed with it. There are wires everywhere!! I feel like maybe I'm entitled to a handicap parking space for the next 24hrs or so...

Also, I went shooting last night with N and my head was apparently too close to the scope when I shot because once it recoiled I received a decent egg on my forehead....

Therefore, my outfit is totally ruined today! I wore an outfit inspired by my friend's blog about fashion found at thrift stores...if you're interested see it at http://thegleamofrosetea.blogspot.com... I'm pretty sure she is my only reader though...well, maybe there are two more of you out there!

Bottom line: I haven't thought of a spiritual application to this yet but I know there HAS to be one!! If you can think of one...post it under comments!!

Hope you are all having a great day!

This and That

This:

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Lord, I'm amazed by you...that you love me! That you sing over me like a mother or father does their child. Thank you that you are loving. Thank you that you are mighty! That you are more than capable to rescue me. Quiet my soul today with your love. Remind me of your grace and mercy. Help me to know when I'm going the wrong direction. Give me the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it.

That:

On a totally different note...I'm a little happy that it is raining out because now I get to use my new umbrella that opens and closes by itself with a push of a button. I'm pretty sure the novelty will wear off after one use so...let's look for the sun....

A little more of "this":

...and the Son today!!!

Beautifully Broken

It seems like the older I get the more I notice that all of us have our hidden obstacles or hindrances...a fear, a fetish, a tendency to be tempted, unforgiveness, obsession, hurt, loss...just fill in the blank. I already knew this to be true...we all struggle with something one way or another, but I'm just now realizing that we walk around like it's not true. Would it be freeing if we were able to humble ourselves and be honest and confront our own brokenness? Since when is brokenness such a bad thing? Does God use people who are already whole in themselves? No, I think, in fact, that God usually breaks us in order to be made whole in Him. Brokenness strips us of the tendency to be self-reliant and self-righteous because it makes us realize that our need for a Saviour is severe. With the understanding that we are all pretty much broken APART from Christ's working in our lives and sometimes BECAUSE OF Christ's working in our lives.... what would be the point then of going on pretending? Do we have privacy from God? No! So, who are we really kidding? I'm not inferring that we initiate a new trend or something...like wearing pins that say "I'm Broken"...I'm just saying...why do we cry behind closed doors when someone feels the same way as you? Why do we hurt inside and pretend we are strong? Why do we allow ourselves to be tempted, but never seek help? I'm not going to go into a cliche' about how God can put your pieces together (although I know that to be true because He did it for me) and make something beautiful out of it...but I want to urge you to allow yourself to be prayerfully put back together and offer the jagged pieces to be used in order to point others to the God that heals...What would bring more glory to our God than finding victory and completeness in Him and praising Him for it?

"So, thank you, Jesus
even when You see us just as we are
Fragile and frail and so far
from who we want to be
So, thank you, Jesus
even when the pieces are broken and small
dreams shatter and scatter like the wind
Thank you, even then."

Even Then
lyrics by Nichole Nordeman

Be Still My Soul by Katharina von Schlege

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain,
Leave to your God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: your best, your Heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: your God will undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds shall know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Rain Check Please...

So, I have until 11pm to reschedule my test to become a licensed agent without being penalized. I think I might have to do this seeing as I haven't even studied for it yet and the test is on Thursday! There is just so much material to cover that I don't think I could possibly make it a happen...I'm just not ready...even as a career procrastinator, I don't think I'm comfortable with my level of unpreparedness...

Unfortunately, there are the "other" tests in life that kinda sneak up on us with no time to ask God for a reschedule...we just need to always be ready.

"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:" (I Peter 3:15)

I'm No Tarzan!

On our senior class trip, we went to a beautiful christian camp in one of the Carolinas...I think North. It was great...open sky, beautiful mountains...everything you could think of to do...Well, one of our activities pretty early in the week was to hike up the mountain and once getting there to play a whole bunch of games. There were three ways to get to the base of the mountain, since a river divided it from the main land...1. bridge (that's the one I wanted to choose)...2. tight rope with rope railings (still not a bad choice) and 3. swinging across the river on a rope like Tarzan (bad, bad, bad, bad choice) Anyways, the teacher that brought us as our counselor insisted that everyone cross Tarzan style...I was the last one to go and told him that I was definately not going to make it across because I have zero upper body strength...but he insisted and told me that if I fall in then he would jump in. I lasted about two seconds on that rope....and we both spent time hiking the mountain in wet sneakers.

Do you ever feel like you are "out of rope"? Your hands are slipping and you just wish that you chose one of your "other options"? This can be applied to anything...your job, your relationships, school, your marriage....there are a lot of decisions to make in life and so there are a lot of opportunities to feel..."cold in the river", but before making a decision that could possibly change your life for the worse ask yourself a few questions and REALLY think about the answers. Don't just make decisions based on an emotional feeling because after all, life is about a lot more then the way we feel...

What is the most important thing in life? What is life's purpose?

Do you want to glorify God?
Would your decision glorify God? In what ways?
Would it make Him happy?
How would He benefit?

Could Satan be glorified in any way?
Would it make him happy?
Would he benefit?

What are the long-term results?
What would you gain?
What would you lose?

Do you believe God can help you?
Will you let Him?

A lot of times, we go through life seeking our own pleasure and conveniently forget that God created us for His. If we purposely remind ourselves of this, would we make better decisions? Would we heal our marriages understanding that destroying it would bring no glory to God and no benefits to His kingdom? That is just one example. We make decisions everyday that alter God's best plan for us...Let's think about pleasing God before selfishly pleasing ourselves. A person that I look up to a great deal, once told me that when you do something first because it is the obedient thing to do...the feelings will soon follow.

Maybe it is important to have a rope-hugging Tarzan style of faith....

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

I woke up in the middle of night, went to the bathroom, and passed out on my way back to the bedroom. Thankfully, my husband woke up because he could hear me stumbling around the house sounding like a "gorilla" (his word, not mine) and got to me just in time for me to faint into his arms and he gently laid me on the floor. Romantic, right? As I was relaying my episode to my friend J, I was telling her all about what it felt like to wake up and be confused and delusional...my husband said, "You are forgetting the most important part...I caught you...don't leave me out of the story!" Don't we do that a lot? Leave our Rescuer out of the story? That may be one of the most beautiful things about knowing Jesus...When I do faint, He catches me. If it were not for N's perfect timing and 911 speed, I would have probably banged my head on the bureau and incurred an even greater injury. God has perfect timing because He is always there. Thank God that among all the things He is, He possesses all the qualities of our Hero...our Rescuer!

"Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours"

Who Am I
Casting Crowns lyrics

Destination:Serenity

This Saturday morning as I lounge around the house, I realized how good God is...

About a month or so ago, I wouldn't even be here by myself out of my own fear and anxiety of being alone. I kind of assumed I would always be like that even though I wasn't like that before...I noticed this morning the sound of the quiet rain through my slightly opened windows and the slow rush of cars passing by. And then I realized...hey, I'm by myself....I decided I like this destination of serenity much more than the temptation to clutter my mind with such distressing emotions especially since there were only imagined threats anyways. For any of you who've ever had God preform any type of healing in your life, we know that it is a daily journey and every day you need to offer yourself over to Him and trust that He knows what He's doing...and He always does. Eventually, you find yourself feeling like "you" again and it almost comes out of no where. Thank God He fights our enemies for us!! How great is His love for us!

"In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant."
Psalm 143:12

Familiar Through Repetition

I am up absurdly early so figured I would write to you a little...hopefully it will make sense....we'll see

Lately, I've been noticing some things that I do out of habit and you probably do this too...I went to go throw something away, but forgot that I had moved the trash can about a foot and a half over to the left. I had to walk past the trash can at it's new residence, but my first clue that I moved it was that it was not present in it's previous location.

I like the dish soap on the left side of the kitchen sink and habitually place it there; however, N likes it on the right side and chooses not to submit to my plea to change.

I placed the mop in the bucket only to realize that the bucket was moved. I knew the bucket wasn't there...but part of me had to put the mop on the floor to really grasp it.

How come there are so many things that we remember to do out of habit, but I can't remember to do things like remove the other 25% of my nail polishing that is slowly chipping off....or to buy my very much needed contact lense solution....Maybe it's because I don't have to do those things everyday? Maybe it's just that I'm so familiar because of repetition?...I hope I'm not forgetting anything important...

"...That ye may remember, and do all my commandments, and be holy unto your God..."
Numbers 15:40

Yesterday's Illusion

Have you ever looked at a picture from a time in your life when you thought you were fat only to find out that you were actually really skinny...and then...new problem because now you are about 25 pounds heavier than you were when the original picture was taken!! I hate that! Sometimes, I think we never know what we have until it is already gone...we are stuck in the illusion that we, or are lives, are not what we planned or what we want...that's not a profound statement, but...when you begin to understand it...it is a profound understanding! I never thought I would miss going to the hospital and hearing the alarms sound...but I would give anything for it now. The silence of the alarms is a blaring reminder of grief. I don't think I could have appreciated him anymore than I did, but I never thought I would miss all the things I was scared of the most. As long as you are scared of the alarms...he's still alive to be monitored. As long as you are getting a diagnosis...he's still alive to diagnose. And as long as you are scared of him dieing...he's still alive. All the things I dreaded the most were the same things that let me know he was still fighting. So, to my readers, if there are any of you out there...let's work on giving thanks for EVERYTHING "for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning YOU" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). At least we have a car to fix, a friend to fight with, a child to discipline, a home to renovate, a spouse to disagree with, a body to critique....whatever it is...God has blessed you, I'm sure...just like God has blessed me.

Beautifully Distracted

Ok....so yesterday, I spent a little time cleaning my house...sweeping the floors, taking out the trash, vacuuming the couches, fluffing the pillows, dusting, decorating here and there...etc. I was finally finished with what I was doing so I sat to rest on the couch when my little ten pound dog comes over and pretends to sit on my lap only to jump over me and onto one of my newly fluffed silk pillows...she stands on it...bites the corner....then circles it 4 or 5 times until it is just right...and then plop...she's down for the count and asleep before I can even get up to remove her. Yesterday, I feel like all I did was fluff pillows. Fluff, Refluff, Fluff, Fluff, Fluff....I totally forgot about all the other stuff I did during the day. Even right before bed, I fluffed them up again figuring she was going to be in her crate in 2 minutes and when I woke up this morning 3 of them were mysteriously de-fluffed and one of them was on the floor. Ugh! She even has her own silk pillow to sit on!! She eventually ends up there, but it is like she does it on purpose...You know how we (humans) go to carnivals and play that game where you hit the weasel on the head when he pops up? I felt like that's what she was doing...my pillows would only stay fluffed for a matter of minutes. So...I had to think...how much of my day am I wasting literally fluffing pillows? Wouldn't my couches be just as functional without the pillows? I could always just put them out for company or when we need extra comfort. Then, I had to think...how much time do I figuratively waste "fluffing pillows"? Having a clean house is a wonderful thing...it's beautiful...but could I be beautifully distracted by "fluffing pillows" in the other areas of my life? Hmmmm....I had these thoughts even before reading what God had for me today...Here's what He told me in His Word...ironic....

Ephesians 5:15-21
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is....be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."