this girl

i've had this image in my head of what i feel like i should look like on the outside considering how i feel on the inside. yes, i think i'm that girl that rides my vintage bicycle to the farmer's market and carefully examines my organic fruits and vegetables for quality...i place them in my fabric, reusable produce tote and load it into my bicycle basket...on the way home, i stop in a meadow to read a fascinating book and pick wildflowers...my hair is long and i'm super skinny...i run...i run for fun and it just happens to keep me in shape...i wear dresses everywhere...i look carefree and like my style is naturally thrown together.

clearly, i'm not that girl. i eat brownies. riding bikes is uncomfortable. i have no memories of me running for fun or for exercise...i can't get my hair to grow past my shoulders...i'd be terrified to be in a meadow alone...and truth be told, i'm not fascinated by reading <gasp>

so, although i don't get to be that girl....i do get to be this girl...

this girl takes her shower after her daughter is taken care of first (and sometimes, that means taking a shower right before bed)...she gets rice cereal in her hair...she wears mismatched pajamas until shamefully late hours of the day...she washes bottles over and over and over again until her hands crack...she changes countless poopy diapers...she dreams big dreams for her daughter....she makes up silly songs that don't rhyme...she keeps her nails unmanicured because although she has time to paint them, she has no time to let them dry (she bites her nails til all she has is nubs anyways)...she has tumbleweed size dust bunnies rolling across her floors...she spends more time watching her daughter sleep than she does anything else...she gets spit up on and just rubs it in...she leaves the house and then wonders if she remembered to brush her teeth...she takes 20 minutes to pack the diaper bag before leaving the house...this girl does not know "carefree", but she does know "thrown together"...she's not perfect, nor pretends to be...she has no time to be pretentious, but makes time for the precious.

yes, i think there are more of us out there that are this girl than that girl....

and i believe being this girl has more merit.
this girl wouldn't have it any other way.

love your kids.

you never know how long you have them for.