hope in pain

i remember going back to work after zachary passed away...

...i was there, but i wasn't there... i felt as though i was living in some other alternate universe where all i felt was pain and no one noticed...it seemed life went on for every one else...because when does life ever stop?? wouldn't it be nice to just pause life when tragedy strikes? but usually, the demands of life keep us forging ahead, however fake our attempt may be to get through the day.

...i've realized recently that although i felt very alone...i know (i KNOW) that i never was. life can't stop, but it doesn't mean people weren't thinking of me, praying for me,

sighing on my behalf....

...i realized this the last couple of weeks watching my father after he lost his twin brother. my heart desperately hurts for him and i miss the connection he had with him. part of me wishes life would stop so that my dad knows how much we are sharing in his pain...because i know for him, he's probably feeling the same way i did.

i'm so thankful that Heaven is for real! it's not an imaginary crutch used by people grasping for some positive outlook when dealing with the issues of losing someone...it's a REAL place...where my REAL God lives...and i can't wait to see it all.

in my mind, i long to be there to see zachary again...but i really believe that once i'm there, seeing him will be a minor attraction of heaven...i think i may just be distracted by meeting Jesus face-to-face. it's a comfort knowing that zachary KNOWS Jesus...he even knows His face...and that's cool to me...the same is true for my uncle.

...can't wait to see them both again.