wilderness and the promised land

last night at church, pastor made a brief statement about how the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years before reaching the promised land. he said that they were in this "stuck"/"wandering" condition because of their unbelief and continued to say that many died over the course of that 40 years without ever reaching the land that God promised them.

i couldn't help but relate to those Israelites...

wandering.....stuck....deserted....knowing that

God has something better planned,

but feeling like it's unattainable.

i've been thinking this past week or so that maybe...just maybe...i don't surrender completely to God's plan...maybe i have a belief problem...maybe i have a little bit of difficulty believing God's promises.

how terrifying to think that this waiting period...this wandering...this stuckness...could be a symptom of my disbelief...or even just the fact that i try too hard to control my circumstances.

i need to surrender.

i need to keep my eyes focused on what's promised.

hey! being in the wilderness isn't all bad!!

during the time of their wandering, the Israelites saw miracles happen...

the parting of the red sea

moses striking the rock bringing forth water

manna from heaven

the burning bush

i'm gonna keep my eyes open for those inevitable miracles....but for now, i'm submitting to the fact that God has a plan for me and i'm loosening my grip on the situations i'm trying to control.

i believe that when i surrender....the biggest miracle of all will happen.

the "promised land" looks pretty good from here...

i'll be there soon.

a reminder to myself

it's so easy to praise God when things are good.

it's hard to do so when things aren't.

i'm determined....

to have peace.

to love God.

to embrace lessons learned.

to never stop growing.

to have faith.

to believe that...

"no good thing does the Lord withhold

from those who walk uprightly."

(psalm 84:11)

to hold on to Jesus.

to praise God.

it seems so easy when it's written out in list form...

let's see if i, by His strength, can make it happen.

miracles

i've heard the argument before that childbirth is not a miracle

because it happens all the time.

a miracle is supposedly something mysterious...something like a pilot and co-pilot simultaneously having a heart attack but a passenger on the plane had just completed his pilot licensure and was able to land the plane.

something like that would be out of the ordinary, for sure...

but, i'm not sure it's any more significant than that of giving birth.

would it only be a miracle if it was someone who couldn't have a child that gave birth?

would it even be a miracle then?!

i refuse to be less amazed with a baby's first cry or the grip of it's hand...

God gives us life

and that means that life has been divinely and supernaturally given...

how is that NOT a miracle?!?!

a miracle should not be diminished by it's frequent occurence....

people are spontaneously healed from diseases every day...but we still call it a miracle!

so, life is given every day...let's call it what it is.

i fear that if we stop looking at life as what it really is,

it will be reduced to what it really isn't.

in the same way, i refuse to believe that miracles can't happen to me!

i took a look at all the miracles that Jesus did....apart from His own virgin birth and resurrection, He healed the blind, the lepers, the crippled, the deaf...raised people from the dead, turned water into wine, fed 5,000 people with enough food for one, calmed the sea, healed a severed ear, cast out demons, walked on water...

and saved my soul!!

how can i not trust Him to calm my storms, to provide for me when there's little, to heal my body?!? how could i praise Him for it and still believe it's commonplace?

help me not to become ignorant to God's

divine intervention in my life!

so, i'm gonna keep praying for my miracle because...

i believe in miracles because i believe in God.

"keep looking up...afterall, that's where miracles come from"

we are breaking up.

dear love of my life,

we need to talk.

i love you.

i always have.

i always will.

i always thought this love was mutual....

but lately...

i'm noticing that you haven't been treating me the same as you use to.

when we were together, i use to feel happy and content...

and now i just feel guilt.

i know we shouldn't be together. it's just not a healthy relationship.

it seems to be take, take, take and you really give me nothing but little to no self-respect.

we've had some good times.

staying up til late in the night. watching movies. secretly meeting in the bathroom.

you've gotten me through some hard times too...

emotional meltdowns, break ups, mid-terms...

you've always been there for me to depend on.

i know i just saw you a few moments ago and could have told you this in person.

i apologize for this public humiliation.

you really do make my heart beat a little bit faster.

i know i'll miss you more.

and in my weakness, i may want to return to you.

maybe it's because i'm getting older and i'm changing...maybe i expect too much...

maybe i know i deserve more.

but for now, Chocolate, we are through.

this is just the way it has to be.

warmly,

jaclyn, a secret fatty

when the wait is over...

i could take a break from sucking in my stomach. i could use a break from that.

i could start liking my outfits instead of thinking..."this outfit would be so cute...IF my stomach was a baby and not bloated fattiness".

i could feel guilt-free about not exercising...afterall, i'll have to take it easy.

i could justify eating ice cream everyday as my dairy.

i could get away with having chipped toe nail polish...i wouldn't be able to reach my feet anyways.

i could get away with not shaving my legs???....um, probably couldn't get away with that one for long.

most of all...

i could see the flicker of life on an ultrasound screen before the heartbeat is even audible.

i could hear the swirly sound of my baby's heart pumping life into his little body.

i could feel kicks and squirms.....i so long to feel kicks and squirms again.

i could decorate his nursery...marking a physical home for him.

i could have a baby shower...anticipating his arrival!

i could hold my baby!!!

i CAN'T WAIT for the wait to be over!

secretly, i hope i win this...

check out a great giveaway here!

amazing love!

Every Thursday night, I can be found with a bunch of girls studying the book of Daniel. It's just a small chapter of God's great love letter to us. I challenged myself to actually complete the entire 12 week study without fizzling...I think I'm on week 4.

If interested in checking out the study, It's "Daniel: Lives of Integrity; Words of Prophecy" by Beth Moore.

Anyways, I was reading through this week's homework and I love when things stick out! For me, things that stick out should be noted since most times I'm a skimmer when reading.

She wrote, ".....Not a pagan king like Nebuchadnezzar, but a king after God's own heart. King David has sinned grievously against God by committing adultery with Bathsheba and having her husband, Uriah, killed in battle. Furthermore, David refused to own up to his sin for months."

So, obviously that's just an excerpt and you wouldn't really get her point, but here's my point:

David was a "man after God's own heart"?? Does anyone else find this odd?! That David, an adulterer, a murderer...a conspirer....was the best that God could find?!?!

I love, love, love that God loves us despite the ugliness of our sin. Christ came to save us, but He came when we were still sinners. He came to redeem us. It's quite frankly amazing to think about!!

We are so limited with our understanding of love and forgiveness!!

The apostle Paul shares some beautiful insights about unbelief vs. God's redeeming love:

Romans 11:11-23

vs. 17--->But if some of the branches were broken off, and you, although a wild olive shoot, were grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing root of the olive tree, do not be arrogant toward the branches. If you are, remember it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you. Then you will say, "Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in". That is true. They were broken off because of their unbelief, but you stand fast through faith. So do not become proud, but fear. For if God did not spare the natural branches, neither will he spare you. Note then the kindness and severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God's kindness to you, provided you continue in His kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off. And even they, if they do not continue in their unbelief will be grafted in, for God has the power to graft them in again. <---vs. 23

Thank you, God for the mysteries of Your redeeming love!