a note for M

Dear M,

There was a time I would daydream about owning a business. 

I'd come up with multiple ideas to market, advertise and package my product.

I hoped to one day plan extravagant parties where there was color and laughter and confetti.

I planned to write my stories down and share them with the world.

I attempted creativity in almost every form.

I can't say I was successful at any of these things.

Perhaps my motivation was to "make a name for myself",

or to be known,

or to be recognized,

or to leave an imprint when my life is over.

I realize now that if no one hears my stories but you, 

I'd be sharing them with my whole world.

If the most creative thing I do today is make play-doh into a strawberry, 

then I opened your mind to a new way of seeing things.

If I plan parties, 

let them be to celebrate you.

I'm feeling sentimental while I'm realizing that you recognized me the moment you heard my voice,

smelled my scent,

were held in my arms.

Perhaps...

YOU're my imprint on this world, sweet girl,

and that all my chasing is just that....chasing...

 I've already made a name for myself...

the best one I can think of...

and I'm reminded of that each time I hear you say "Mommy".

If being your mommy is the one thing I'm successful at...

well, I'm truly satisfied.

There was a time I daydreamed about having it all,

...and now I realize...

I do.