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Thursday, March 3, 2011

11 weeks

i'm 11 weeks today and somehow i feel like i'll be mentally exhausted by the time i make it past 24...i feel sort of like i'm in a brutal countdown...just waiting for something "bad" to happen...there have already been a few scary moments to this pregnancy and every time, it takes me back to the moment when i realized i was saying goodbye to zachary...part of me feels too weak to be able to handle reliving that over and over again...even if it's only in my head, nevermind in reality.

however, nate insists that this baby is "our good thing"....which coincidentally is part of my favorite verse that helped me the last 2 1/2 years while trying...he didn't even know.

"for the LORD GOD is a sun and shield. The Lord gives grace and glory. no good thing does He withhold from them who walk uprightly" Psalm 84:11

i really do feel like i'm gonna need a lot of grace in the upcoming months....a lot of mental rest...

my first goal is two parts: 1. pray more...2. look for answers on the internet less

that darn internet gets me in trouble every time!

this would be a lot easier if my brain didn't keep trying to get in the way...i just already love this baby so much.

1 comment:

  1. Jaclyn, since my prayers for you have changed :D, I've started praying for the health of the baby (of course), but also for peace for you and N. I have mentioned this on facebook, but I just wanted to reiterate. I know I would need prayers for peace if I were in your shoes. I did for my pregnancy and I had nothing like your experience.

    The internet is definitely a baaaad place for crazy pregnant people. I knew like everything that could go wrong in a pregnancy and that stripped a lot of joy out of it until I just decided to be grateful for every single day that I was allowed to be pregnant. (When I went overdue, I went back off the deep end. That was due to reading too many blogs - I don't advise going overdue or reading babyloss blogs).

    There are soooooo many people praying for you! We've got your back so you don't have to be so strong. I fervently pray that you have a happy, healthy, full-term, crying, screaming, cooing, squishy, messy, poopy baby W.