a reminder to myself

it's so easy to praise God when things are good.

it's hard to do so when things aren't.

i'm determined....

to have peace.

to love God.

to embrace lessons learned.

to never stop growing.

to have faith.

to believe that...

"no good thing does the Lord withhold

from those who walk uprightly."

(psalm 84:11)

to hold on to Jesus.

to praise God.

it seems so easy when it's written out in list form...

let's see if i, by His strength, can make it happen.

miracles

i've heard the argument before that childbirth is not a miracle

because it happens all the time.

a miracle is supposedly something mysterious...something like a pilot and co-pilot simultaneously having a heart attack but a passenger on the plane had just completed his pilot licensure and was able to land the plane.

something like that would be out of the ordinary, for sure...

but, i'm not sure it's any more significant than that of giving birth.

would it only be a miracle if it was someone who couldn't have a child that gave birth?

would it even be a miracle then?!

i refuse to be less amazed with a baby's first cry or the grip of it's hand...

God gives us life

and that means that life has been divinely and supernaturally given...

how is that NOT a miracle?!?!

a miracle should not be diminished by it's frequent occurence....

people are spontaneously healed from diseases every day...but we still call it a miracle!

so, life is given every day...let's call it what it is.

i fear that if we stop looking at life as what it really is,

it will be reduced to what it really isn't.

in the same way, i refuse to believe that miracles can't happen to me!

i took a look at all the miracles that Jesus did....apart from His own virgin birth and resurrection, He healed the blind, the lepers, the crippled, the deaf...raised people from the dead, turned water into wine, fed 5,000 people with enough food for one, calmed the sea, healed a severed ear, cast out demons, walked on water...

and saved my soul!!

how can i not trust Him to calm my storms, to provide for me when there's little, to heal my body?!? how could i praise Him for it and still believe it's commonplace?

help me not to become ignorant to God's

divine intervention in my life!

so, i'm gonna keep praying for my miracle because...

i believe in miracles because i believe in God.

"keep looking up...afterall, that's where miracles come from"

we are breaking up.

dear love of my life,

we need to talk.

i love you.

i always have.

i always will.

i always thought this love was mutual....

but lately...

i'm noticing that you haven't been treating me the same as you use to.

when we were together, i use to feel happy and content...

and now i just feel guilt.

i know we shouldn't be together. it's just not a healthy relationship.

it seems to be take, take, take and you really give me nothing but little to no self-respect.

we've had some good times.

staying up til late in the night. watching movies. secretly meeting in the bathroom.

you've gotten me through some hard times too...

emotional meltdowns, break ups, mid-terms...

you've always been there for me to depend on.

i know i just saw you a few moments ago and could have told you this in person.

i apologize for this public humiliation.

you really do make my heart beat a little bit faster.

i know i'll miss you more.

and in my weakness, i may want to return to you.

maybe it's because i'm getting older and i'm changing...maybe i expect too much...

maybe i know i deserve more.

but for now, Chocolate, we are through.

this is just the way it has to be.

warmly,

jaclyn, a secret fatty

when the wait is over...

i could take a break from sucking in my stomach. i could use a break from that.

i could start liking my outfits instead of thinking..."this outfit would be so cute...IF my stomach was a baby and not bloated fattiness".

i could feel guilt-free about not exercising...afterall, i'll have to take it easy.

i could justify eating ice cream everyday as my dairy.

i could get away with having chipped toe nail polish...i wouldn't be able to reach my feet anyways.

i could get away with not shaving my legs???....um, probably couldn't get away with that one for long.

most of all...

i could see the flicker of life on an ultrasound screen before the heartbeat is even audible.

i could hear the swirly sound of my baby's heart pumping life into his little body.

i could feel kicks and squirms.....i so long to feel kicks and squirms again.

i could decorate his nursery...marking a physical home for him.

i could have a baby shower...anticipating his arrival!

i could hold my baby!!!

i CAN'T WAIT for the wait to be over!