it would be better if each day were wrapped with paper and a bow

few things can compare to the elation i feel being pregnant with Mykenzie...

{i love her name}

in fact, the only thing that has even come close is being pregnant with Zachary...

there's something to be said about having life grow inside you...

and literally, God could have done it without me, but He chooses to use our bodies as a living pod for our babies...He invites us into the the creative art of life-making...what a gift! truly! i can think of very little that has brought as much joy into my life as the squirmy flips that Mykenzie seems to use to almost speak morse code reminding me that

today everything is ok...

i'm grateful.

i feel like Zachary taught us to love each other...and in the same way, Mykenzie will teach us to love each other even more...to put someone else's needs before our own...to be a family...

nothing is forgotten about Zachary...in fact, we remember our love for him even more...and some days, the pain feels so fresh and new...however, the pain of losing him could never compare to the love we have for him even still....and the love we share for Mykenzie.

loving & loss

i always expected it to be hard to love our second baby knowing the pain of losing our first...

it's not.

i almost feel like we love Mykenzie with all the love we would normally have had with the additional lifetime of love we would have given to Zachary. we decided early on, that loving less doesn't mean hurting less or even being scared less...and if something was to happen, i'd rather know that i loved her with my whole being every single day...and so that's what we do...we tell her we love her, we get giddy excited over ultrasounds, tutus, and pink things...we wait to feel squirms and kicks...we make plans for her nursery...we make plans for our future...

i'm 20 weeks this week and i'm starting to feel the anxiety creaping in...but i'm confident still that 20 weeks means i'm half way there...and NOT almost done.