simplify

recently, nate and i have made important decisions to actively simplify our lives. the last three years of our lives have been...complicated...complex...not any more.

circumstances did not pan out the way we intended or desired, but hey! that's ok with us! we are trusting in God's plan and we know that it's much better than what our limited brains could conjure up.

we moved into an apartment which puts us in a much better position from every angle. i'd go into more detail, but internet, i don't trust you so much :)

anyways, my point...

as we moved (and continue to move since we aren't completely finished yet), we had to make decisions on what stuff we were gonna bring with us. we moved all of our necessary stuff over to the apartment and have been doing fine without the rest...the fact is, we still have a house full of junk that we literally don't even need or use. i found myself holding an item in my hand and trying to convince myself that i DON'T need it and that i DO need it at the same time...sorta multiple personalities of me. my only argument on both sides is "i haven't used this in 5 years, BUT what if i NEED this next week".

new starts call for simplification...don't bring the same junk with you.

confession:

three years ago, i stopped praying.

well, i still prayed, but nothing like what i use to.

i lost intimacy.

intimacy with my Best Friend.

i prayed fervently at my little man's bedside...i was devastated that God didn't answer my prayers according to my desires. but, my desire isn't what prayer is all about.

i'm learning that.

i stopped praying because i began to feel that prayer was a risk. prayer is hopeful. and hope is a gamble sometimes.

does hope lead to a bigger devastation?? i think that's what i thought.

not anymore.

prayer simplifies things. negativity, hopelessness, self-pity.....they complicate things.

i cannot simply rely on the fact that God knows my desires, my thoughts, my needs. He longs to know me daily...for me to know Him. the Bible says that the prayers of a righteous person accomplishes a lot! i want to be productive in my prayer life.

so, maybe prayer doesn't change circumstances,

but prayer certainly changes me.

out with the old; in with the new

the game of LIFE

i stink at playing games. i always have. my brother and i use to play games all the time. he taught me how to play chess and checkers, monopoly, uno, knock hockey, fireball island....

all these games are different. the common denominator is that i lost every time and cried hysterically every time. i'm the worst loser.

my life lately has reminded me of the feeling of getting run over by a rogue fireball, getting my hand smacked by a hockey stick, drawing four, getting sent directly to jail without passing "go", and getting check mated...

basically, i feel like i'm losing at this game of life. while everyone else out there is setting goals and becoming winners....i'm stuck being the loser.

i'm behind bars watching everyone pass "go" and collect $200...they even pick up beauty contest awards from community chest...they yell out "uno" and it just so happens to be their color....

when i think about it...i've probably learned more about life by being a loser than i probably would have if i was always a winner.

does this sound like a pity party?? um, probably....but i'm admitting this because i'm changing my ways...

i have to learn to take the hits when they keep coming. Faith, Family and Friends....that's all i need to make my life worth while. (hahaha...that just reminded me of "the jerk" with Steve Martin...."and this chair! and that's all i need...and this lamp...and that's all i need! the chair and the lamp and this thermos! and that's all i need!...sorry, serious sidenote)

instead of submitting to the urge to only feel emptiness, i'm going to start filling that emptiness with faith, family and friends.