senses

taste. feel. touch. sound. sight.

it's amazing how God designed us with senses that help us take advantage of His creation...we can witness a flock of birds bursting out of a tree, aligning themselves into the perfect "v" formation....we can be brought to another country by tasting the palette of flavors in any cuisine...we can be reminded of our childhood teddy bear by brushing our skin up against a familiar texture...

i love that the smell of my lipgloss brings me back to the nicu...i obsessively applied my lipgloss while in the nicu and the smell of it now reminds me of the days that zachary was still here with us...i refuse to switch flavors and i don't know what i'll do when Bath & Body no longer makes it...

i hate the smell of purell...it reminds me of how much i had to un-contaminate myself before even seeing him...it just reminds me that i didn't get to hold him...BUT, it also reminds me of how excited i use to feel knowing that washing our hands in the scrub down room meant we were going to see him.

i love that there's a small part on nate's forehead that feels just like zachary's....it's the part right before the hair line that has that baby hair feel...

i love that i have pictures to help remind me of those days....

but i hate that staring at them can never bring him back. i can stare at the only picture i have of me kissing zachary on the forehead, but nothing can bring me back to that kind of physical closeness with him (while i'm still here on earth, of course...)

today kinda stinks. i miss my little man...

i'm thankful for my senses that bring me back to him.

i've been delurking myself all week

CALLING ALL LURKERS!!! Now is the time to come out of those dark corners of the internet and boldly pronounce that you've found some kind of interest in reading my random thoughts...Yes, you check in monthly, weekly...or maybe even daily and you read what should be just scribbles in a notebook....You've been found out! I know you are out there! You are more than welcome to peruse the pages of this site in complete privacy, but I beckon to you to disclose your identity by taking 2 seconds to leave a comment!

As always, thanks for reading my blog! I just want to get to know who's out there so I can follow you too!!!

coincidence?!?!

i made a resolution (more on this later) to read the whole Bible in a year....granted, i have other facebook friends that have decided to do it in 90 days which kinda makes my commitment look kinda shabby; but regardless, it's a commitment! i chose my reading plan at YouVersion.com. you can also set up an account and read along with me...i chose the "life journal reading plan"...which schedules you to read the old testament once and the new testament twice in year...i tried to do this last year, but got stumped somewhere in the middle of Leviticus

anyways, i was totally blessed yesterday as i was reading because technically, it was my first day.....yes, you read that right....my resolution was already failing only 6 days into the new year so I had a lot of catching up to do....

i started with the chapters i was scheduled to read in Genesis and what do you think it had for me there?! well, they were the chapters where Abraham and Sarah doubt that God would bless them with the many children promised to them......and what about the chapters i was scheduled to read in Luke?!?! it was the chapters where Elizabeth who was barren found out she conceived John and Mary found out about the miraculous conception of Jesus......

my heart was happy when i realized that miracles STILL happen....

my hope is that at the end of my life, it can be said "BY FAITH, Jaclyn dealt with many dark days, the grief of losing her son, the hardship caused by poor decisions, the fear of failure, anxiety over the future......and because of her FAITH, she NEVER lost sight of God's love and the HOPE He offers so freely....because of her salvation, she stands firm upon the promise of Heaven where all wrongs will be made right and there is no more tears...despite her circumstances, she always remained confident in God's bigger purpose"

so.....that sounded like a eulogy but you get my point :)

rising or setting

this weekend we went to PA and saw the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall....my favorite was Independence Hall and seeing the old architecture...we also saw George Washington's original chair that he sat in as he led meetings to declare Independence!

if you notice in the top, it has a sun etched in it....James Madison reported Ben Franklin to say, "I have often looked at that behind the president without being able to tell whether it was rising or setting. But now I....know that it is a rising..sun"

i couldn't help but relate to that....there are times in life when you just aren't sure if you are making right decisions...whether what you're going through is going to destroy you...

keep hoping.....it's a rising sun...not a setting.