baby's breath.

something special.

so soft.

like a whisper.

a soft breeze on my face.

so clean.

it's baby's breath.
more specifically, my baby's breath.

i love picking mykenzie up and feeling the short exhale on my face...

i realized that i had never felt that with my little boy.

for a moment, i felt regret...

grief...

but then i felt the overpowering sense of healing once again...

there are days when it washes over me so purely...

and i can see the beauty in a thing like spit-up breath...

i can reconcile the things that never will be here on earth...

and recognize the miracle in the warmth of her life-filled breath.

smiling.

"because of you,

 half the time

i don't even know i'm smiling."

i can't take credit for this quote since i stole it directly from the internet via pinterest.

{sidenote: anyone else notice the incredibly hard time people are having with spelling "pinterest"?

pinteress

pintrest [most common]

you are PINNING your INTEREST=

P-I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T}

(not that hard.)

most beautiful.

"the most beautiful people we have known

are those who have known defeat,

known suffering,

known struggle,

known loss,

and have found their way out of the depths.

these persons have an appreciation,

a sensitivity,

and an understanding of life

that fills them with compassion,

gentleness,

and a deep, loving concern...

beautiful people do not just happen."

~elisabeth kubler-ross

i know many of these beautiful people.

blessed.

 i'm thankful for her...

 like i'm thankful for breathing...

 ...or for water...

she's become essential to my existence.

as pictured.

comfort.

thoughts on valentine's day.

as i met with our mom's group today, we were talking about our valentine's day plans...

realizing i had none, i reminisced about our very first valentine's day...

if you remember, we just celebrated our 9th date-iversary a few days ago...so, we celebrated our first valentine's day just days after our first date...pressure.

i made nate a card. i was so stressed about it because it was the first time i was putting myself "out there"...he awkwardly received it and hid it from his parents and siblings so that he wouldn't get the inevitable attention of "awwwwww"s...and i awkwardly received yellow sweetheart roses. we then went to the movies and watched "Catch Me if You Can" and we both fell asleep...yup, in the theater...we are party animals.

truth is, i knew that day that we were meant for eachother. it was this day that we held hands for the first time while walking...and i know it seems pathetically corny to remember such dates...but holding hands in the car is different than holding hands while walking...when you're walking, you're publically going somewhere together...people saw us as "together"...and there was something very comfortable about being his.

these days, we experience a different kind of comfort. it's the pressure-free, no need to impress kind of comfort that our marriage is enjoying....and i'm the first to admit, that i'm a romance-hungry type of girl...and nate is not so much that kind of guy...but in some strange, comfortable way...we balance eachother...he's the first to admit that he rocks my world (hahaha....), but i have to agree.

happy valentine's day to you!! may you share it with those you love and love you.

..."but the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:13

one word.

this past weekend, we attended a movie night with our sunday school class and watched "Courageous". 

the movie is geared toward men, husbands, fathers...

but i couldn't help but get a lot of it, too.

 i've wondered for a long time what kind of mother i'd be...

i already know what kind of mom i WANT to be

and by God's grace, i WILL be.

if i needed to put it in one word, it would be...

INTENTIONAL.

first, i need to be INTENTIONAL about my relationship with God since it seems all my other relationships hinge on the importance i place on this relationship. when i'm close to God...in communion with Him, my fellowship with my friends, my family and  my husband will be viewed in proper light. i cannot have a functioning relationship with my husband without looking at it from a Biblical perspective...well, at least not the kind of relationship i'm interested in. 

in addition to the relational benefits, having a right relationship with God will teach my children that what i believe is real.

i want them to learn from my actions, to see me grow in my faith, to live out the things i say i believe...i want them to see me reading my bible...i want them to see us working in the church...i want them to know that it's worth any sacrifice.

second, i need to be INTENTIONAL about my relationship with my husband. i think the healthiest thing i can do for my children is to have an awesome relationship with him. i want them to see us affectionate towards each other...to see us sacrifice for the needs of the other...to intentionally hold our tongues even when it would be easier to yell...to carve out time to be alone with each other...there are numerous life lessons our children can learn just from watching the way we are with each other...and unfortunately, in this generation, not all of those lessons are positive ones.

third, i need to be INTENTIONAL about my relationship with my children. i need to deliberately prioritize my time so they know they're important. i was called to be their mom...it was a gift that God deemed me worthy of...they are my legacy...they are the small portion of the future that i get to invest in...they may be my greatest accomplishment...and so i need to do this "motherhood" thing the best i can...i need to be encouraging. i need to be a teacher. i need to stop grabbing fleshy rolls in the mirror and saying i'm fat...i need my kids to know they're beautiful no matter what and that starts with how i think about myself.

we are parents with purpose.

we are parents that want to have happy,

healthy,

well-adjusted children.

we are parents that want to make a difference in the world

...and that starts in our home.

we are parents that need to prepare our children

to live in this world...

...to be a shining light...

...to be strong individuals...

...to crave growth and knowledge...

BUT, this can't happen without an INTENTIONAL plan to do so...

and it can't happen if it doesn't start in me...

...i can't give anything to my children

that i don't already possess.

if you had to put what kind of mother you are/want to be into one word, what would it be?