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Friday, December 17, 2010

john 3:16

i was reading my friend's blog a few weeks back and she posted a story she saw in an email forward...i loved it! and here's the story....i'm paraphrasing, but you could read it here.
it was a warm day when a father and his son arrived home...the boy was so excited to be able to go swimming in the lake that day...so excited that as he got out of the car, he headed directly to the water and jumped in with his clothes on and swam to the center of the lake. the father, who had a better view from land, saw that his son was in danger and immediately began yelling and waving his arms for his son to come back to him. the son heard the father and made a 360 back towards his dad. he reached land, but as his dad reached to lift him out of the water, an alligator got a hold of his legs and a torturous game of tug-of-war took place. an alligator is obviously no match for a man, but the father had passion the alligator didn't have. this was his son...and no alligator was gonna take that from him. eventually, a farmer heard the noise and came to help and the alligator released the grip of the boy's legs. he was rushed to the hospital and thankfully recovered. the local news was all over this heroic story. one reporter asked the young boy if they could see his scars...he uncovered his legs to show them all. but then he said, "but look at my arms!!"....his arms were a testimony of the passionate grip of his father who loved him so much that his fingers dug into his arm. i bet that boy was never unsure of his father's love because he has a permanent reminder.
i loved this story because because i, just like you, have scars...some of them are physical...i have burns, scars from falling, scars from surgery...some are emotional...and some are spiritual...but they all tell a story of where i've been and what i've survived.
the bible tells us in 1 peter 3:15 to always be ready to answer for the hope we have.
the answer for the hope i have is that God loves me passionately.
i love God, but i love Him because He first loved me...it would be awesome if i could claim that i did something to earn God's love...that i did something to make the God of the Universe, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, love me....
....but it's incredibly reassuring to know that i don't have to....
His love is shown to us first in creation....He created us for His pleasure, but He also knew that we would let Him down sometimes...He knew we wouldn't stay perfect...but He was ok with initiating a relationship with someone like me...He created me anyways....and continues to work in me. that's pretty neat.
His love is shown to us in His birth...born to die...He knew it all along...He'd have to die for His creation...He willingly did so...what an incredible story of a King that became a baby...the most humbling way to start...(i often wonder what Jesus' thoughts were as a baby...were they as simple as ours probably were...or were they ponderings of His great future He had planned, the miraculous plan of our redemption).
His love is shown to us on the cross..."For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Begotton Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" John 3:16...He paid a debt that we could never pay. (Thank You for that sacrifice.)
as this year closes, my thoughts are on His love...i'm thankful His grip is ferocious and that His love for me is passionate...i'm thankful for my scars. they are proof of my survival. they are proof He's stronger. if it wasn't for His love, i would have died by the fury of sin, depression, obssessive thoughts, fear, anxiety and grief.
what are you thankful for today? what have you learned this year?

Friday, December 10, 2010

just a thought saved in my draft folder

everyone goes through trials...Christian or not...there are troubles in this life, for sure...


it's common to be able to praise God AFTER the trial has passed.


it's so easy to see God's faithfulness to us once we see the end result.


it's one of those instances when hindsight is 20/20...things always seem to make more sense when it's in the past. we look back and we try to connect the dots...looking for "reasons" that things happen.


but my question is this: isn't faith "the substance of things HOPED for, the evidence of things NOT SEEN?"?!


shouldn't faith sustain us BEFORE the trial has passed?


shouldn't we, who have faith, know to the very core of our being that God has already been faithful to us?


do we really need the trial to pass in order to give Him praise?


do we miss the benefit of the trial? that a trial leads us to courage, endurance, faith?


do we miss that trials strengthen our character, molding us into a usable work of art?

shouldn't we praise Him, in advance, FOR the trial because we know it will work out according to His plan??

i need to resolve my faith before trying to resolve the trial.




the question

i can hear it coming before it's even spoken...the question that is inevitably asked after meeting someone new...it always happens after a series of other common, "safe" questions...

so, where do you live?
how long have you gone to church here?
oh, you are married?
how long have you been married?
oh!! six and half years?!?!

and then here it is--

do you have any kids??

errr....this question is not meant to be a trick question, but for some reason, Nate and I don't always know how to answer it. the fact is, he's a father and i'm a mother....but we aren't a mommy and a daddy anymore...

we could answer "yes" but then that launches a series of other questions...

how many do you have?
boy or girl?
how old?

we could answer "no" but then that leaves us with this nasty, guilty feeling that we denied zachary's existence and his very prominent belonging in our lives!

we could answer "yes, he lives in Heaven", but that opens us up to a serious and possibly emotional conversation with someone who is most likely a complete stranger.

sometimes the answer depends on the situation and setting...my answer might be different talking to a stranger in the aisle at Target then someone who just lost a loved one.

tonight, we answered "no" and it hurt....and i hated it....and i miss him.




Tuesday, December 7, 2010

image and perspective

we joke that i grew up living in a cocoon..."the cocoon years"...years of hideous outfits, puffy, short hair, horrible teeth that were too big for my face, bad choice of glasses...oh, the list could go on and i have school pictures to prove it (although i've noticed that the year my "cocoon-ness" peaked, there's no picture to prove it...was i too busted to justify the money spent on that picture?!?! :)

although i gained control of hairstyles and eye wear, and my face fortunately grew to fit my teeth....i still always felt sorta dorky. i grew a TON between 6th and 7th grade! i was one of the shortest kids in 6th grade and that summer i became one of the tallest in my class. i had to be on the back row of our class picture with all the boys. i ALWAYS thought i was fat!!! ALWAYS! that's a ridiculous notion now that i look back at pictures of myself! i think i thought this because of who i was comparing myself to...other girls that had completely different body types than me...i was always thin in highschool, but i was tall...so that automatically made me feel awkward and larger than i was in reality.

anyways! i was thinking about how the perspective i have towards my body has changed as i have grown up...my body went from something that i compared to others and never thought was good enough to so much more.

after i had zachary, i realized that my body was a home for my child. it's pretty sobering to realize that God gave us the ability to nuture life right inside ourselves. so, i stopped comparing my body and started trying to make it the best home it could possibly be.

after realizing my difficulty with growing our family, my perspective changed again. my body is a temple. seriously, the Holy Ghost dwells inside me! what?!?! this has been a spiritual battle even more than it's been a physical one.

so, of course, i'd still like to be a size 6 some day...i'm a girl! my personal expectations will always be there! but, i've noticed motivation has definitely changed. i want to be different, but not because i think i'm not good enough "as is"...but because i want to be the best "me" for my baby and my God. i want to be healthy to be able to nurture my baby...i want to be strong so i can use my body to it's fullest capacity...i want to maintain health so that the time i spend living is quality...i want to have energy to do things for God...

p.s. i haven't had burger king, mcdonalds, dunkin donuts, wendy's, taco bell, or kfc since MARCH!!! if you know my old eating habits, you know this is a huge achievement :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

fears and faith

i have a long list of fears...here's a few for your reading pleasure:
people coughing/sneezing directly on me or into their hand and then shaking mine
vomit...terrified of this one
doctors...which is weird because i have one for every part of my body pretty much
cancer...because you might not know it's there until it's too late
rejection...because everyone loves to be accepted
failure...because i want to be really good at something
drowning...because...this is self-explanatory....
heights...because i don't want to fall
closed in spaces...because i love an easily accessible escape route
loneliness...because i love Nate so much...i never want to be without him
i have fears...a lot of them...more than what i listed here...
i have fears about my future...fears that i'll never have another child...fears that i've put other dreams on hold for so long and that one day, it will be too late....fears that i'll focus on one dream over another and i'll have regrets...
i've realized that the only reason these are fears is because there's some dark shadowing hovering over them...every one of these things invokes a feeling of uncertainty...
but...
here's my faith...and it's a short list:
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light unto my path".
God's word tell us that He'll supply light for each step...and i don't need to know what happens around the bend where the shadow is...yep, the road can be uncertain at times...and that's ok...because He'll supply the light i need to make sure my foot is in the right place.